Something's funky...

My room smells. It's that smell which builds up and eventually stenches the whole place after you leave a wet carpet in the room for a period of time. I'd probably describe the smell as the smell of dead rats and lizards. Perhaps a little durian around its edges, and a whooping fine twist of SHIT! In this case though, it's a fucking towel. Who knew such a small item like that could achieve such wondrous things.

My towel's been in my room for quite some time now... I've been using it, and racking it, then re-using it, then racking it. I have an appalling habit of re-using everything that my maid hasn't thrown into the wash for me (excluding underwear and sweaty clothes). I wouldn't say it's being unhygienic, I would like to think of it as more of a fear of having to share my stuff with other people. I dont' want people to use my towel, or anything sanitary for that matter.

It's incredible how we build these little bonds with our possessions, we don't even know it. I've managed to build a bond with my towel, I don't even want to let it go. My toothbrush is my savior. My life revolves around a toothbrush. Seeing it being thrown into the bin after it's been frayed is like... letting go a piece of me. Months with that toothbrush and it never once let me down. But of course that piece of me sprouts back alive once I find an even better-newer looking toothbrush. Then the cycle starts again.

I will never share my lip balm with anyone. It's just inhumane man. Lip balms are very personal and it's been on my lips and everything, it's not right. It's sick if anyone ever thinks about sharing anyone else's lip balm. I get fairly paranoid whenever I have a flavoured lip balm and people ask whether they could sniff it. A million and one things instantly run through my head. I start to think what if they sniff out and nose particles are blasted onto the tip of my lip balm. Or the other way around, where they sniff in and to think that they're sniffing in what's been on my lips.. just makes me feel dirtier than usual.

This is not directed to anyone in particular, it's just me and my paranoia.

This goes back to the whole public toilet situation. Public toilets should not even exist, they're a sick joke.

Ran into a toilet today, the smell was... Indescribable, it was bad man. But I told myself I haev to mantain decent manners, and remain calm for as long as I can hold my breath. Gadong mall has a reputation of not having any tissue paper what so ever in their toilets, so the only cubicle which had toilet paper was the cubicle which someone decided to leave some shit in. I should've known why it was the only cubicle with toilet paper in. It was either she was being really inconsiderate for leaving the lid and door wide open, or she was just being really honest. I don't understand why they always have to leave bits of shit floating around, and not just a clump of shit instead. They always have to make it look like they have diarrhea.

And holy shit, did you guys know that the kings, queens and jacks of different suits had different poses and significance? That blew my mind this morning man. I was playing with a deck of cards and I realized... that they all looked different. And the little men in the google home page, they're nearly achieving soemthing. I can see something building up... so all eyes on the little men.

Music Industry's gotten confused

Shayne Ward is in Wikipedia... What were they thinking. He of all people should not deserve a place in Wikipedia. He is the definition of being disgraceful to the whole music industry. He is like the hair I find in my food, the cherry I find on my perfectly good Sundae Icecream, the strange taste of cold pizza in my mouth. He ruins my appetite and is indeed a pest.

There are two types of entertainers you find in the entertainment business; the people who sell their looks, and the people who truly succeed by merely entertaining, and do good in what they do. Perhaps I'm being a little bias.. I suppose looks do matter in the entertainment business, but I think that they shouldn't single-handedly rely on that feature. It is a job, and they'll have to work for it. Their looks will wither away one day, and they'll be nothing but pixelated paparazzi shots ocassionaly streamed across your TV screen with headlines of "SEX ICON TURNS INTO ALCOHOLIC WITH BEER BELLY THE SIZE OF BEACH BALL"

Which is why I personally do not respect entertainers who make money simply by their looks; excluding models. Of course. Hence, I do not respect Shayne Ward. His music is the worse yet. His lyrics don't even make sense. And he has a tendency of showing us his non-existent packs whenever he has the chance to

If That's OK With You
I love the way that you look without your make up
I had a girl before we met but we broke up
Theres something 'bout you
that makes me want to step up

Which is like sort of saying "You're my rebound girl, let's hook up"
If he's trying to impress the females, I must say he is failing miserably.

His music video consists of all these sexy girls flooding some party, and they're all preening Shayne as he walks down a corridor. The lyrics and the video don't match. Where's the girl he was going to keep the neighbors awake with? It was all a very messy situation I don't want to ever involve myself in again. Watching him was a roller coaster ride of goosebumps, once it's up, then it's down. Majority of the time, it was up.

I wanna keep your toothbrush at my appartment
Make a second set of keys
and ask you to move in
I'm not crazy

Yeow. That's creepy. So, he's there dancing in a room with a bunch of people, in his buttoned down wear, giving us some of chests. It's... Painful, to see him trying to dance. Don't get me started on his other video, the previous one where he's dead and singing to his lover who cannot see him. I remember watching six sense and being so tricked into the whole twist of the story, but concepts get old quick.

In the beginning, Shayne sits on a table and serenades the hot lover, but she looks dazed and confused. Within seconds, naturally, you'll realize that he's dead. But willing to watch on, because you think that your theory cannot be it, and you're just waiting to be proven wrong, you get disappointed vastly when they state the obvious. When the girl walks to the grave and flashbacks shoots through, attempting the old 'HERE'S THE TWIST!' trick. Shayne also attempts some of those 'Bold and Beautiful' stunts, where the scene is really dramatic and expressions; exaggerated. Y'know how they usually look into the camera, and go "I..... LOVE you" *dramatic music*. Shayne does a lot of that in this music video. He's once again sent me high on a roller coaster ride of goosebumps.

Performers like Michael Jackson would pour his heart out, so hard that we'd actually cry watching him perform. He was perhaps the last music legend in our time. Now we're getting all sorts of singers who don't, (I feel) respect music. Rather like, using it as an advantage to be on top. Most dont' even earn their status.

Ann explores the milky way

Dear Sunny Sunday,

Twas a rough night. Snuck into mama's room yesterday night and snuggled right up beside her. I'd almost forgotten the sweet distinct smell the bed's been perfumed with. The smell I once adored; sheltered me with comfort and protected me from the scary boogie woogies that lived underneath and beyond. This time, it was the smell of having her beside me. May it be being relieved or gifted, I cherished it finely. I took in a big breath, and never have I remembered loving the smell so much.

It took much shifting and blanket pulling until I had finally settled on the perfect cold spot. But little did I know what the night had laid out for me. Constant kicking and tugging shattered my perfectly sleepy thoughts. Ocasionally, mama would lift the blankets, and I'd feel the strong gusts of wind prickling against my legs. Wakes me up and pierces me with anger, but not to worry. I tend to sleep it off. I've learnt to forgive and forget. Perhaps years of sleeping on my own bed had alienated me from mama's bed. My dreams that I had planned out had disappointed me greatly.

I dreamt of an old lady next door who asked me in to play Big 2 with her. She was white. And we lived in the country. I wouldn't think it was too random, the night before I had several games of Big 2 with Jean and Jon. It had sort of left me in a Big 2 sensation, in fact I have to say that I'm craving for the game right now. Yeow. No, I'm afraid I didn't have the chance to explore the universe like I had so ambitiously planned. But the night's looking unrevengeful, it will do me good. I just know it wouldn't dare disappoint me again. This time, I'll dream of flying across the milky way... Pass the great wonders of space.

The sun light had eagled through the windows, which had left me in a half alarmed-half near to puking state. I get that a lot, I tend to feel like puking whenever I'd just woken up. Don't tell me I'm the only one... I had cleared my eyes and duh'd into the bathroom at 8 this morning, only to find more hair on the floor. I'd like to twist my sadness and metamorphose that into anger. Though I have to say, the feeling of sticking together is simply withering away.

I want a resolution plan for the year 2008. I've never had one of those before... Perhaps I should place "Stop embarassing yourself" as one of my first resolution points. I have had one too many of those this year, it's just time for a change. In fact, I had humiliated myself today as I found myself trotting into Arthur's home earlier with a Christmas hat on, with a goofy smile I often wear around, only to find his whole family and others gathering around a dining table infront of the door. I was as duh'd out as Jasz and HM were. We had not only disrupted their dinner, but mortified them with my shiny christmas hat. I found myself skipping up the stairs after uttering a soft "Hi Uncle..." and realizing an answer wasn't given out. I'm not the girl to give up, so I had automatically shouted a "Where's Arthur?" when I most obviously knew where he was... I felt down-right stupid because I had noticed I was already halfway up the stairs.

Dear Sunny Sunday, I hope you leave Glorious Monday with a schedule list. It's her turn to babysit me tomorrow.

I'm feeling a tad chilly today

...with a slight pinch of warmth.

Woke up to the sound of my alarm this morning at 6.30. I had almost forgotten; this morning was the day my family drives off to dominate Mount KK, but of course leaving me and Mama Bear at home to 'miss out on all the fun', they like to call it. Aaah.. I absolutely cannot wait to see them come home with aches and what not. The joke'll be on them.

It took ages until I finally got out of bed. Uncombed, Unbrushed and Unhappy, I managed to stumble down the stairs, but only to find that nobody had woken up yet. But of course my Chipsies, who never fails to wait for me. I should've known better. My family has a tendancy of being late for everything. Except for Mama. She always complains about our disorganization. It drives us nuts, because her nagging never does any good. Yet it is a women's instinct to carry on and on about the same thing; just placed in different context each time.

I had waited downstairs with my Chipsies for half an hour until I finally dozed off. I had placed myself in such awkward positions just so I wouldn't do so, but yet again I had failed my words. I was convinced I'd wake up. Then when I finally did, it was 2 hours later, and I had missed seeing them off. Damn! I should've known better again, my family also has a tendancy of being grumpy whenever we've been called up, so we've come to realize that they're better off sleeping anyway. I had once again, disappointed myself!

I'm so sick of disappointing myself. I have to say that, being the youngest in the family was rather enjoyable.. for the first few years of my life. Then I had started to realize that despite all the love and kisses I have gotten, they were all little steps that were slowly keading me into being a young spoilt teenage girl. It definately isn't anything to be proud about. Convinced I'd shoot up one day from my little sprout, from the way things are going at the moment, the idea of that is a little vague. When I say sprout, I mean being taken seriously in the family.

Being the youngest in the family, I have figured that it'd be a little more challenging to be taken more seriously. That I will have to try even harder to prove myself towards them. It's a constant strive to be better than my siblings, everyone gets that with their siblings. I often find myself comparing my actions to theirs. Their attention span with me is of the size of a pencil, sometimes it's a little hard to communicate with them. It is perhaps our age differences, their wit and inteligence is far off my scale, but this is why I love talking to them.

I feel that my behavior towards everything has come through family events. My self-consciousness had come from such a young age. 1996, a hash activity was taking place and I remember walking down the stairs with the only uniform we had left, an oversized shirt that had draped over me like a blanket. My father and siblings had laughed so hard at me when I had reached the bottom of the stairs. It was tears and sobs from then on. Thing is, I remember being humialated at such a young age, I still don't understand why. I like to describe that event as a mad nightmare, and I still remember it as one. It was like walking down through curtains and lights, then I had been plonked onto center stage only to find myself surrounded by laughing mad cows. Massive humiliation infestation.

Often my brother forgets that respect begets respect. A decent conversation with him is rare, they'd probably be moments of him smiling or when he's not in his usual 'mmph' mood. So I find it easier to talk to him a day or two after he comes back.

Recent catch up's with my English Novel 'Things Fall Apart' helps. I've been reading outside lately, I have only just started to realize the beauty of nature, and reading outside relaxes me well. Through the good of it all, there is somewehre in my house an army of mosquitos which has been planning an assasination of my whole family. They wil one day kill us all with their blood sucking snouts. I dream that one day I'll find them and kill them all with a single kick.

Aaah.. Tis' the season to be jolly! As for the tad chilly-ness, It is that time of year again. Not to worry! Brunei hasn't decided to snow yet, or have any christmas spirit whatsover to that matter, but it is this time of year where I like to pretend that it is snowing. Too many, December is the month to enjoy the spirit of giving. Spend time with their family and friends, singing Christmas Carols and puting up Christmas trees. I've always had a picture in my mind that Christmas is when everything brightens up, songs and jolly people flood the streets, and of course I've always wanted snow. But when you grow up here, you come to realize that Christmas in Brunei is like Summer in Alaska.

My Decembers are always hectic. It is when last minute gift shoppings are done, and my Christmas's... not so Christmasey indeed. My fantasies about my perfect Christmas spent are always crushed by last minute plans for dinner and disappointing gifts I have bought for people. Never have I ever reached my expectations of gifts I should've given others. This year isn't lookin too good, my budget box has a limit of about 50 dollars, perhaps I will plant a vegetable garden for my parents. Though I have to say.. Not so easy when you share the same garden.

I better get to bed, I have a whole dream list lined up. I'll dream of climbing Mount KK with Papa and my siblings. I'll dream that I will be treated more maturely in my family, and I'll also dream that Brunei will snow, and Christmas will show. I'll dream of exploring space and beyond. It's a wild thought, but a thought which one day will come through. Trust me, NASA's working with me. In my dreams. Of course.

ANN'S CYBER NEWS

YESTERDAY, 3 puppies had been abandoned and left on a flowerbed by the local gym in Kiulap. Witnesses had claimed that they have heard much yelping and howling since the night before, but had not the heart to collect them as they had hoped that the irresponsible owners would realize their wrong doing and would eventually come back for them. Fitness Zone staff members had tried to live in denial, and ignore the fact that 3 puppies had been left upon their responsibility. As they were too busy rock climbing and phone chatting by the registration counter, they 'had not noticed the puppy's constant crying for food and help'.

A few mornings after, May Lee; a gym member, had heard the dog's cries. She explains that she had collected the dogs in good will, and hopes that she'd find the perfect home for them.

"I know my family can't keep them, but we have to find homes for these puppies, they're far too young to be out there alone, otherwise they'd die." May debates.

All three puppies are confirmed as females, clearly pulled away from their mother.. and milk supply at such a young age. For more information about the three puppies, contact Ann. These dogs are good dogs. Happy dogs. Small dogs. They are looking for responsible owners to take them in, not a dirty hag who'd dump them by the streets.

Written by Ann Lee


Did you like my article? Someday, I hope to write for Borneo Bulletin. Hopefully I'll make it big.. Well, yeah. Three female puppies were found, and we took them in, and we want nothing better than to look for a good home for these puppies. They had clearly been abondoned by an irresponsible owner who did not want to bare living with more dogs, but if you wanted to keep male and a female in your house, you have to live up for the consequences, and not dump them by Fitness Zone like a fucking coward and flee so the responsibility can be left for someone else. If you leave them there and hope they'll die by the flower beds, then you are a dirty bastard.

I have to say that this is probably a big problem in Brunei, strays and abaondoning and whatever other animal cruelty this sick place is filled with. I understand that the dogs are breeding like mad cells, but if you are willing to take them in, then perhaps you should treat them with love because animals deserve a life too. If you want stray animals to stop wandering around Brunei because it's 'Inconveniencing' you, perhaps you should stop taking random dogs in so they could be your guard dog, then letting them breed more and abandoning them by the roads because it's too much hassle, but hey, let's dust it off our shoulders by letting it get run down by cars and trucks. Perhaps, instead of sending in complaints into the opinions page in the newspaper, you should do something yourself instead of depending on others to start something up. You pathetic losers, your complaints do nothing but irritate us. As if we don't already notice the problem? Perhaps instead of ramming the dogs down whenever you see them in the roads, because you get so angry that they're there, or because dogs have become so much of a taboo in the muslim religion, you should think twice you sick.... inhuman.. object..

I was glad to know that the animal shelter was being set up, which is great news! Until I heard.. of course.. that all they do is put them to sleep.. I understand that nobody is willing to adopt them, because for wahtever reason, possibly because they're stray dogs. But, my god, try putting a poodle or a chihuahua up for addoption, check how many phonecalls they'd get then. It's great for the society that hey, finally they're doing something about these pests, they're killing them so they would stop rummaging through our garbages, and my goodness we're doing the dogs a favour anyway. We'll put them to sleep so they don't have to live yet another day suffering and dying, but how do we know that we're donig them a favour? There could be a possiblity they would rather live stray than to die. Why of course, who cares what the animals think, we're at the top of the food chain and we're doing this for our own good. But I also have to be realistic, If nobody is willing to adopt them then we can't possibly put them back in the streets, I suppose the best sollution is to actually kil them, I know.. I know.. it's heartbreaking, but that's what they actually do..

I just feel that they are strays because of us. We led them to being strays, and we're letting them be. Then we want this to stop, because they're pestering us, but we're not doing anything about it.. so we.. just really want to stop our own wrong doings? but we make it sound like it's the animal's fault that they can't find any elsewhere to live. But how're we going to do it.. if we're not doing anything.. really. The animal needs more cash for making a shelter, perhaps we could think about that and make some donations. We have to understand that these animals are under our responsibility, and they are depending on us. Whether we like it or not, we'll have to do something about it.

As for the three puppies, I'll post photos up. They're so adorable.. If you're willing to take one in? or all three, that'd be awesome. If you know other responsible pet lovers as well who're looking for a dog, hehe come to me! :)

I'm thinking... ann-theman.blogspot.com instead