To hell with it

I am angry, I am so confused.. I am pretty fucking down. To hell with it, it isn't going to kill her, because I know with my family, we can definately fight it together. We might lose her, but I'm going to stop thinking of the what mights, or the what if's, because it hasn't even happened yet and I'm positive we won't because we're going to be in it together and nothing gets pass the Lee's man. I have to start thinking present, and right now she's fine. I'm not going to give up right now and I know neither of my family members are going to as well. We have to appear strong and positive so we can keep her in a fighting state. I know we're goign to do it, we'll fight it together :).

I have to say though, it is no doubt one of the toughest things I've ever had to face. My brother is coming back on Saturday and.. I don't think he knows about it yet, it's going to be a pretty hectic weekend and there's goign to be an emotional flooding I'm guessing.. but my sister isn't in Brunei, Dad's exhausted from all the bullshit our family is going through right now, I will have to take the responsibility of keeping the family together and to consntantly remind everyone to be optimistic about the situation. far too much responsibility for a 15 year old! but I know I can take it, I've taken the time to take everything in and accept it as it is and to appear strong is not going to be easy, but I have been doing it for the pass week.. so I'm sure I can continue doing it.. mm.

I've told myself that I will definately not let this effect my life, with year 11 and the mocks and everything, it isn't goign to be a very pleasent year 2008 ahead of me. But I will still make sure I will eat well, and doe verything healthy including studying smart for my mocks and end of year exams! but I just know it isn't goint to be as easy for me as it is for some of you guys. Who am I to say your problems are nothing compared to mine? mm, No one.. obviously.. but what I'm going through right now are some pretty rough stuff. I hate waking up in the morning and having to go through the day with so much things in my head, I dont' look forward to going back from school as much anymore.. it's probably one of the most depressing things ever, but partly I hate staying back now, I just want to go back and be with my family. it is the strangest feeling ever, I just want to be home all week now. Not so strange really..

I guess I am pretty angry as well. I'm actually furious. Easily, this is by far the hardest stage in life.. anyway, my brother is coming back on Saturday so that's somethign I can look forward to! My sister's coming back in 3 weeks time, that' definately somethign to look forward to. Thank goodness I have siblings, they make everything so much better.

On the happier note, can you get wisdom teeth at 15? 2 teeth popped out from my upper jaw a few months ago.. and it HURT SHIT! I went to the dentist to check whether they were my wisdom teeth, and.. he said it wasn't? but I did some research and.. well.. apparently it is.
"Wisdom teeth are third molars that usually appear between the ages of 16 and 24" (Wikipedia stuff),
but.. I'm 15.. maybe my teeth are like.. oddly mature. I did my research and usually 'normal kids' will have 14 teeth both at the top and at the bottom.. I have 14 at the bottom.. and 15th is is erupting out from the right side of my bottom jaw (supposed to have 16 permanent teeth if i'm not mistaken including wisdom teeth).. It hurts so much, I wake up and it feels like I have a sorethroat in the morning down the ride side of my throat. I better make a dentist appointment soon.. I hope they wont' extract it. I'm positive it's my wisdom tooth !

A spider is running across my computer screen.. and it's actually hopping around (I know.. Spiders hopped?!?) It's probably a sign to you know, stop being such a comoputer geek. So I better make a move. I hear the little voices of sushi calling me in the kitchen... THey just can't WAIT to be eaten!